Aunt Margaret's Take On Body Piercing

Good day ppl,

Check out this week's installment of Aunt Margret. This week Aunt Margret has a lil sumthin to say about body piercing.

Happy reading ppl enjoy!

Aunt Margaret's Take On Body Piercing

What is it with young people today and their need to adorn their bodies with outlandish clothing, tattoos and the like. And what is it with this new trend of body piercing. I tell you young folk today do some crazy things in the name of fashion and individualism. With that being said I recently got more than I bargained for at a card game with the ladies. We gathered at Dora’s playing bid wit when Tee-Tee asked if I wanted to see her new ring. I immediately scanned her ring finger hoping that her new beau was taking her off the market. No such luck, her hand was as bare as the day she was born. So imagine my surprise when she stuck her tongue out. “Oh my child, what you got there,” I asked as I examined her lingual jewelry.
“Oh, Auntie it’s just a tongue ring. If this got you blushing I could only imagine how’d you react to my nipple piercings.”
My eyes got as big as golf balls, “Nipple piercing?” I said not even realizing I said it out loud. Tee-Tee took that as a sign to explain that sensual pleasures of piercing.
“I tell you ever since I got these bad boys pierced-she said shimming her chest-I have been on cloud nine. All it takes it’s the slightest sensation to send a wave of pleasure to my kitty.” Then she went on to say how she think’s it would be a romantic gesture for her and her man-friend to get matching piercing; for her a clit ring and for him one of them umm err whatchamacallits, ah Prince Albert. Seeing confusion on more then half the ladies faces including my own Tee-Tee explained that a Prince Albert is when a man pierces his wiener-schnitzel. She also said that although she hears it’s exceptionally erotic she doubt’s if she’ll be piercing her anal area.

That tidbit of information was more then my virgin ears needed to hear. I know that different cultures encourage their people to decorate their bodies with trinkets and paint for various reasons, but I think if mankind were intended to have their poop shooters, testicles, guiches, Johnson‘s,  milk-makers, and love buttons pierced they would have come fully equipped with such items.
That being said me and my Herb won’t be venturing off to the local tattoo/piercing parlor anytime soon.

Good evening ppl,

I just finished submitting two works to the New Yorker. Wish me luck. I have my fingers and my eyes crossed.

Good day ppl,

One of my random thoughts help me come up with a lovely traditional thinking older lady who has a new age thinking great-niece  who thinks her job is to bring her dear ol' Aunt Margret into the new millennium. 


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Aunt Margret on Vaginal Landscaping

Let me tell you about the time I came in on the tail-end of a conversation and tried to jump right in. Let’s just say that what I thought was a simple conversation about topiary artistry and the likes had nothing to do with landscaping. Well any who, I walked into Dora’s kitchen and heard Mona talking about how her new beau likes for her bushes to be neatly trimmed and how a professional manicures her shrubbery on a regular bases.
So here I am thinking I’m just gonna add my 2 cents  ‘cause everybody in the county knows how I loves a nice garden. So here I am, “Oh, you definitely need to trim them bushes every now and then. Herb always gets perturbed when my Lady Palm and the like is overgrown. When he just can’t stand the new growth he’ll get out them clippers and just have at it. Ooh wee I tell he is such a skilled shearer. Y’all should take a gander at his latest masterpiece.” 
At that moment I became the focal point of everyone’s attention. Boy was it awkward standing there as the ladies stared at me all bugged eyes and wide mouthed. I wanted to know what had them in such a state of awe so I politely asked, “What you mean to tell me y’all don’t prune your shrubbery? I don’t know ‘bout y’all but I likes mine neat and tidy.”
My sister Dora who normally is as quiet as a church mouse responded, “I would of figured you more of the ol’ nat-u-ral type.”
“Dora ain’t nothing about my landscaping unnatural. Not only is it all natural, it’s also organic. I got a seal of approval to prove it too,” I says as I go to retrieve my Landscaper’s  license from my purse.
“Oh, no no no that’s all right I’ll take your word for it,” Dora insisted.
“Wow that’s the first I ever heard of vaginal landscaping being called organic,” Tee-Tee said actually sounding shocked.
“Vaginal landscaping?” I said meekly. 
“Yes Auntie vaginal landscaping. The art of cultivating pubic hair into a pattern.” Then she proceeded to name the various styles of shaving and designs. “Like the landing strip, the Brazilian, or the Bermuda Triangle.  They even have designers like: 
 Betty Beauty: bikini hair dye, but they also offer crystal letters, shapes, and hair stenciling kits. 
Vajazzle: crystal tattoo designs that stay on the vagina area for up to three days. 
Foxing: attaching a fox fur “wig”(dyed or natural color) to the skin… Luxury at its best. 
Feathering : just like foxxing, but it’s safely gluing feathers into fun shapes and designs.
Goodness gracious I have not been that embarrassed in quite a while. And believe me that’s the last time I go opening my big mouth.  And for what it’s worth I don’t see what’s so great about shaving, waxing, plucking perfectly good pubic hair in the name of feminine etiquette.  I say it’s there for a reason,  so leave it be.
Vaginal Landscaping who would have thunk…..oh well!